Why your Sign Ain't Shit: Pisces Edition

You are drunk Pisces Go Home

Pisces is an interesting sign for fucked-up-ness. This is because they are a combo of all the other signs fucked-up-ness. This makes sense because Pisces are the last sign of the zodiac, so they have a lot of baggage (and shit). 

As the baby of the Astrological Family, Pisces inherits all the good but also most importantly all the bad traits of the other signs. Not to mention their own unique Pisces fucked-up-ness and ratchetness. Before this gets too long, I will just mention Pisces fucked-up and ain't shittiness.

12 Pisces Talents

1. Pisces love drugs and make the perfect addicts. They have penchant for crack, weed, meth, and alcohol. 

2. Pisces manage to perpetually look dirty and smelly, even if they take 20 showers, bathe in bleach, and have a person with a scat fetish give them an enema.

3. Pisces have a serve/suffer complex. Pisces are the sub to a dom, and a dom to a sub. They can play both roles and get away with it.

4. Pisces are luckiest sign in the world. They can get hit by a bus and walk 45 minutes later, or survive 20 drug overdoses. Pisces luck has no earthy limits.

5. Pisces can out manipulate a Scorpio, out Gemini, a Gemini, and out eat any Cancer or Taurus person.

6. Pisces can live forever. No matter how much they or someone fucks up a Pisces's life, they will come back for more. In one lifetime a Pisces can be drowned, shot 321 times, burned at the stake, have 45 babies, have all the STDs in the world, drink 80 gallons of AIDS blood, etc. AND A PISCES WILL STILL SURVIVE! YOLO is a Pisces mantra.

7. Pisces have special powers that includes walking through different dimensions and flying. Especially when they have a couple hits of crack, a pound of synthetic weed, and 5 bottles of vodka. 

8. Pisces possess a strange innocence about them that makes people feel sorry for and have a willingness to forgive them. Even after they set your cat on fire and ran over your grandma. A simple sorry and its "A" ok. #Sorry, #JustinBieber 

9. Pisces can see, smell, taste, speak, and touch the spirits of dead people. Not only that but they are imaginative and hate reality. That is why they love drugs and need them. They can't function in this world.

Where did I leave my crack again?

10. Pisces are very sensitive, so paper cuts can kill them. Also sidewalk cracks, a bar of soap and logic/reason can also kill them. If they avoid all these things especially logic/reason they can survive.

11. Pisces are excellent swimmers, especially if you throw their crack stash in the ocean. 

12. Pisces have the power to reach both the highest of places and the lowest. Such as Mount Kilimanjaro or the sewers below the subway in NYC.

Overall Pisces have many talents and gifts and this is why they ain't Shit. P.S. Pisces please I beg you, don't take another hit off that crackpipe. Please :(