Why your Sign Ain't Shit: Capricorn Edition

Capricorn is very similar to Scorpio, but they are like the Earth sign equivalent to Scorpio. The difference is Capricorn is more practical in their fucked up-ness. If they don't like something, they change it or they kill themselves. Very self-sufficient (take note Scorpio). 

As one of the cardinal signs, Capricorns have the pleasure of being self-starters. But they are also an Earth sign, so they are pretty responsible, grounded, rational, and boring. They are not all over your face like the other cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer or Libra). They are in the background working 200 hours a week, doing something that they hate, just because, you know, security and shit.

This makes them wound up (read: uptight) and oftentimes negative. Capricorns can literally suck the soul out of the devil (if you had one). Not even oxygen wants to be around them. Since Capricorns are negative this often means they are by default, haters. It is mentally draining just breathing in the same air as them. 

Capricorn nitpick and are critical (not the way Virgo does), it is not productive at all. They are mean and can be bullies. They bring everyone down that is around them. They are like the dementors in Harry Potter.

Capricorn Excluding indecisive and agreeable

Capricorns are also difficult. They have difficult personalities and are difficult to be around. They have particular tastes, are inflexible, and know what they want. It is strange but Capricorns know their value but they also have an inferiority complex. Value equals suffering to them.

SMILE: We hate our lives!!!!

Capricorns stay in fucked up situations for lofty bourgeois ideals like tradition, appearances, and reputation. But these are just excuses because Capricorns are insecure. You can never tell unless you actually talk to them. These are the people who after a hard's day work on the way home, pull over from the highway, take off their expensive shoes and jump off a bridge. No warning whatsoever.

That Capricorn Pragmatic Vampire is making a power play

Capricorns are self-sufficient users. They don't need people the way Libra, Leo, or Scorpio does. Capricorns have the ability to get things on their own. It is strange but Capricorn mostly uses people after they get what they want. Whether it's social status, money, or influence. Capricorns need other equally or more successful people around them to give the appearance that they are not fucked up. By the way this is my BEST, MOST runniest run-on sentence yet. Capricorn's fear and insecurity that causes them to use people. 

Capricorns is ruled by Saturn. Saturn is one of the big bad planets. Saturn represents time, death, boundaries. Saturn can make people pragmatic and fearful. By the way Saturn is the mythological figure that ate his babies for fear they will someday overthrow them. Spoiler Alert: Eventually one of his kids did overthrow Saturn. Capricorns are scared of everything. What they fear the most is the lost of material Earthly things. Job, money, possessions, or status can have them suicidal. This is like Taurus but Capricorns are more anal about it. Their fear is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So what comes out of this fear. Selfishness, greed, emotionally stunted, negativity, mental illnesses, and the tendencies for self-abusive behaviors. Suffering is their therapy. Capricorns think suffering means they are close to reaching their goals. But it just means they are doing something wrong. 

Two Capricorns passed out from sex, drugs, and working.

Capricorns are self-aware of their problems but they self-medicate instead of asking for help. So they work harder, develop a sleeping pill addiction, suffer in silence, mental breakdown, burnout and crash. Two weeks after a leave of absence they return to work hard, develop a sex addiction, suffer in silence, mental breakdown, burnout and crash. The cycle goes on and on.

The only way out of this cycle is to slow down, ask for help, not be to hard on themselves, and learn to love themselves. But Capricorns don't do that. They either achieve their goals or die.

To sum up everything. Here is a long ass equation that defines Capricorn:

FEAR + Negativity + Difficult + Insecure+ Hardworking+ Sadomasochist  -No emotions+Materialistic= Capricorn.

Anyway this is Capricorn ain't shit post. P.S. Capricorn smile, even though I know you can't.

Saint West: Kim and Kanye West New Baby IS A Sagittarius!!

Isn’t ironic Kim Kardashian-West and Kanye West have a Sagittarius baby? Saint West, their 2nd child and "probably" their last child was born on Saturday December 5th, 2015. This makes him a Sagittarius.

It is ironic because Kanye is a Gemini and Sagittarius is the opposite sign of Gemini. His first child was a Gemini, also born on a Saturday. Plus Kim K's rising sign is supposedly in Sagittarius (according to astrotheme). Astrological Synchronicity is amazing!

Their other baby, North West is a Gemini, born on Saturday June 15th, 2013. 

Sagittarius Celebrity Archetype That Ain't Shit: Miley Cyrus

As I mentioned in my previous post, Miley Cyrus is my Sagittarius Celebrity Archetype That Ain't Shit. Even so I just wanted to mention my honorable mentions.

Nicki Minaj.

My first was Nicki Minaj- because she is “extra”.

Urban Dictionary Definition

Nicki Minaj is the perfect fit for this. Her extraness. YASS!! Her ever-changing wigs and fashion. YASS!!  Her facial expressions. YASS!! Soo Sagtaruissdas. I ultimately didn’t choose Nicki because she doesn’t seem as desperate (and as sad L ) as Miley. 


Plus she is just too cute. (I’m serious too!!!) Even so I am putting some Nicki memes in here.

Taylor Swift

Second was Taylor Swift because she is everywhere, but then I realize everyone likes her. This equals BORING!!!.

Britney Spears

Lastly was Britney Spears. She has a special place in my heart; but she is not relevant now. #NOSHADETHO.

Even so, I picked Miley Cyrus because she is EXTRA, trashy, random, vulgar, and desperately attention-seeking. This just means she is a perfectly normal SAG though. #NOSHADETHO.

Oh Miley!! Remember Hannah Montana. Those were the days. She pretty much did a 180. 

Which is pretty much is what Sagtaruissdas do best. You think they are driving straight but then they make a U turn, crash and kill muthafuckas.

You think where did it go all wrong? When you realize they are desperate, attention-seeking trash-bags. Trash-bags left out in the dessert heat ready to explode.

Miley Cyrus is pretty much doing the same thing that Lady Gaga does, except it's the knock off version. Even so, a knock off being cheap, the novelty ran out quickly and expired (like milk). That is why people were like Dafaq??

The randomness of the shit she did at the VMAS, threw people way fucking off. So off that's people never actually been on. They’ve just being standing there deciding whether to get on.

VMAS.

TWERKING.

Miley Cyrus.

WRECKING BALL

Now watch her cover of Khia's My Neck, My Back, then you will understand something. First she is trying too hard. Second she is desperate (and it shows).

Desperation isn’t always bad. You get what you want. You just lose your dignity in the process.

Lady Gaga is desperate, but she has more heart. She goes all the way. Miley may have did it all the way but no one took even a little bit seriously. Miley gave us her ratchet, we looked at it, laughed, and gave it back to her. Aries vs. Sagittarius analogy haha.

To get into Miley’s astrology. She is a Sag (just into Sag btw) with a Scorpio moon. She is an emotional private person but she prefers to be goofy and happy (aka her Sag Sun). Maybe that is why I see her as being disingenuous. Sag and Scorpio don’t go together AT ALL!!. It’s like mixing kool aid with cyanide. #NotCool.

Miley’s Sun is conjunct mercury, Pluto, and moon. This means she is INTENSE. Do you see Miley’s eyes? Yikes!!!! Multi-conjunct with all three of those planets in Scorpio she is constantly going through a self-destructive–trans-formative cycle. She is effected by Scorpio mentally, emotionally, and generationally. This is probably why a lot of people either love or hate Miley.

Scorpio Moon

Her moon in Scorpio conjunct mercury and Pluto all in Scorpio. She is seriously Plutonian, and conjunctions is one of the most powerful aspects in astrology. Miley’s Moon is conjunct mercury, which means her feelings (moon) are tied to her intellect and communication (mercury). She is intense but again SAG and SCORP don’t go together. She hides it but SHE FEELS IT.

Mercury in Scorpio

Reading the quote in the picture above, Miley is smart and she is mocking American culture a bit. Which she tells us AFTER the fact that she has been/is being mocked, body-shamed (boo L, and pretty much MEMED DA FAQ OUT). At least she is trying to get her life. Perhaps this is because of her Scorpio mercury. Mercury in Scorpio is known for their sarcasm and biting wit that often masks hurt. Scorpio is after all a smart sign (after being bat shite crazy). 


She does and says crazy things which can get her in trouble. Especially true with her mercury. An example that thing at the VMAS with Nicki Minaj? 


Haha, Miley would've got her ass beat if it was real. 

Venus Capricorn

People accuse her of being a thot (very sexist btw). But she’s only been linked with 3 dudes/1 chick. Nick Jonas, Liam Hemsworth, that Kennedy guy, and that model chick she was fingering behind a trailer. Three of whom she has dated seriously. Leonardo DiCaprio is the real THOT BTW.

Her Venus is in Capricorn meaning she means business in love. She is not a dater but instead commitment junkie. Venus in Capricorns are grounded, serious, and loyal. There is a sexually shameless aspect to Venus in Capricorn. Venus in Capricorn is perfectly ok with objectifying themselves for $$$. They definitely know the value of sex.

Her and Brooke Candy trading herpes.

Venus conjunct Uranus and Neptune. Slightly rebellious and idealistic (read: delusional). Miley though relationship oriented will like her freedom and romance. This softens and livens up Capricorn/Saturn a bit.

Taurus Rising?

Supposedly her rising is Taurus. But we don’t care about all that. This will make her MC Aquarius= which means her career and public persona is rebellious slightly political.

Mars in Cancer

She has Mars in Cancer- which can get her in trouble. It is in detriment here. Though there are pleasurable aspects (trine Sun, Mercury, Moon, and Pluto). This roughly means Sun (ego), Mercury (mind), Moon (emotions), and Pluto (destruction/transformation) all like Mars in Cancer. They get along, they are besties. 


But she is Plutonian in nature and Cancer is in the Fall in Cancer. Fall in astrology is a sign that is opposite a planet's exaltation sign. Mars is exalted (in the best position) in Capricorn. The opposite of Capricorn is Cancer. Cancer isn't the worst position for Mars to be in (Mars is in detriment aka the worst position in Libra and Taurus). The Fall is uncomfortable and adjustments have to be made.

Anyway Pluto is not easy energy to carry and integrate. Mars in Cancer can make someone very family oriented, and needs to feel protected and loved (to function).  On the negative Mars in Cancer it can make someone passive-aggressive, overtly sentimental and butt-hurt-shit crazy!!!


If they are not feeling like shit, they act out emotionally and do reckless things. (Chris Brown, Robin Williams anyone?). Cancers can be extremists, and go cray cray on occasion.


IF Miley can keep her mouth shut, don't OD, be positive, and keep her circle of friends small; she should be able to control her strong Plutonian energies. 


Anyway this is your Sagittarius Celebrity Archetype That Ain't Shit. *Kisses* 

Why your Sign Ain't Shit: Sagittarius Edition

Before we begin, I am going to be straight- up. I can't even spell "Sagittarius." I didn't even bother learn to spell it. So I am only going to put the correct spelling for Sagittarius for the title, this paragraph and the last sentence of this post. I am not gonna even bother try spelling it right. For all you slow readers out there, Sagtaruissda is code Sagittarius. I don’t want to hear any of you complaining about how I spelled Sagittarius wrong. I know (and I don’t care). Anyway let's begin.

Sagtaruissda is the one sign that just come out of nowhere and do shit, and you're like what the fuck? You stop, you stare, and then you go on about your business, because no one fucking cares. SAG you are not an Aries or Leo, no one fucking cares. Sagtaruissda want attention, but they don't stay around long enough to get it.

No one takes Sagtaruissda seriously. Well except Capricorns, but they take everything too seriously. Sagtaruissda do shit, that may offend some people, but then it’s over. A great example is Miley Cyrus (who is also the Ain't Shit Celebrity Archetype Sagtaruissda). I kinda ruin the surprise but oh the fuck well.

Eventually the bitch got up. LIFEALERT

Not giving too much away, people were like what the fuck Miley 0_o?; when Miley started twerking and acting a fool. Her behavior was "shocking" and "random". The sheer randomness of it all was frightening. It threw people wayy off quickly too. And I am sure people still this day are confused. 0_o, WTF? This pretty much how the world reacts to Sagtaruissda: I stopped, I stared, and I moved the fuck on.

The Life of a Sagtaruissda

Anyway Miley lost her steam and this is the Sagtaruissda cycle. 

Phrase 1: Sagtaruissda do random unoriginal half ass shit.

Phrase 2: Then they lose their energy. 

Phrase 3: They have the nerve to either forget about it or run away. 

This is the pretty much the equivalent to someone farting and walking away. #CropDusting.

#CROPDUSTING FLASHMOB

Sagtaruissda has an annoying, desperate aura about them. They are like Chihuahua "dogs". You know those annoying small accessories for rich socialites that were once classified as dogs. But in reality they were never actually dogs, they just have 4 legs, a tail and bark. For all we know Chihuahuas are retarded cats that hung around too many dogs and decided to become one. That is the Sagtaruissda energy for you.

It is strange but Sagtaruissda is that sign that I hardly hear anyone say bad things about. Or good things for that matter. No shade but I don't think Sag actually exist. I think it is just a myth.

Stuntin’ on people like what?

You all know that bullshit theory, Ophiuchus (aka the 13th sign). Anyway the dates for this "13th sign" falls pretty during the whole Sag period. By the way the 13th sign date range is from November 29th-December 17^th, traditional Sag season is from November 22-December 22nd. Even though I don't believe in the 13th Ophiuchus sign thing, there is something interesting about it. This just goes to show you that people just don't care or talk about Sagtaruissda. Astronomers literally tried to eliminate Sagtaruissda and no one even batted an eye. Some people actually went along with it. #Sad.

Sagtaruissda is the second to last mutable sign, which pretty much means its the middle child of the zodiac mutable crew. AKA the one that no one cares for. It's not the first or the last so its just there. Being sad, and desperate, and attention-seeking. Which pretty much reads pathetic. That's why Sagtaruissda do so much crazy shit. Because they are the forgotten ones. 

The ones that no one cares about. I am sure Home Alone was a movie written by a Sagtaruissda. One thing you can't deny are Sagtaruissda are fun. Being desperate and pathetic has it's perks. They can pretty much get away with anything.

Smuggling drugs into an airport. No problem!!!. Kidnapping the President's dog. No big deal!!!. Killing a nearly extinct animal species in an African safari. A-ok!!! Stealing babies from maternity wards. Swell!! This makes for fun times and adventures.

Sagtaruissda are the ones with interesting stories that I am sure everyone will want to listen to. If you can only remember that Sagtaruissda is a contact on your phone contacts list. Gosh oh darn it!

So no matter how vulgar, offensive, ignorant, and klutzy Sagtaruissda is.  And they sure can be that way sometimes. It's all ok because no one gives a shit about them anyway.

And so this is why your "sign" (ha), Sagittarius, Ain't Shit.