theastrofiend speaks 2020 pt 2: theastrofiend Origins Story Full Circle Moment: Anger, Adulthood, Racism, Police Brutality, Saturn Times

theastrofiend speaks 2020 pt 2: theastrofiend Origins Story Full Circle Moment: Anger, Adulthood, Racism, Police Brutality, Saturn Times

2018 was mostly good but then I began another Plutonian (maybe Saturnian cycle). Shit happened including being betrayed and disrespected by someone I cared for. I yet again found myself being displaced (physically and emotionally). This time around I recognized my own toxicity and my own set of patterns. I didn’t start the situations but I am also not a victim. I can own up to my own mistakes. I would say the signs were always there but internalizing a lot of shit can having you looking like a stupid bitch in these streets

Random but I kinda feel that in my adult life there is like a mini Plutonian cycles where every 2 or so years (really 1.5 years) there is some shit I gotta heal through. Honestly maybe it’s everyone. IDK but random maybe its my natal Jupiter retrograde acting like Pluto. (Alyssa Sharpe or the Divine Venus/Embracing Glory own words/theory not mine).

- Honestly I didn't realize I was angry and that anger started theastrofiend until 2018. 2018 I really embraced my anger which made me realized how angry I was in 2014-2016 and now again. Anyways 2018 was another year I had to mourn and heal but it also wasn’t bad.

The first majority/half of 2019 was much better BUT of course another transformational thing just had to happen. In the form of an injury that mirrors and parallels my first injury back in 2013. This time more serious, in Saturn in Capricorn fashion and required fucking surgery and fucking physical therapy smh. The last half of 2019 was spent fucking literally (not just emotionally) healing. Fyi I am still healing, that area of my body is still not 100%, but I have come a long fucking way and I am proud.

My life started to resume late 2019 and early 2020 I got into a routine. This year I was planning on celebrating my birthday to celebrate my progress but Saturn conjunct Pluto got other plans. La LaRona has entered the chat. I am not going to bitch. Thousands of people has and will die of the Coronavirus unfortunately. This isn’t a time to be bitching. All my trials has taught me and is still teaching me that everything is a learning moment, to be grateful for everything/everyone you have, and to use time wisely. If that isn’t the most Saturn conjunct Pluto in Capricorn statement I don’t know what it.

Honestly this time has been very productive in terms of my YouTube channel/blog. I am on this Gemini crackhead energy that started in March. I have been tuned into this energy HEAVY. All this creative energy. This urge to create and to use this energy to express myself. Random but I’m also in my Saturn return now. YAY!! Rolls eyes and looks away. I weirdly feel freer and more open in terms of my creativity and emotions while at the same time feeling physically trapped (like everyone else). I am introverted so it’s not necessarily for social reasons. It kinda the philosophy those who do, do, those who can’t, can’t.  I wanna do, but I literally can’t.

That aside another sort of energy has taken place and which brings me back to the main reasons I am writing all this. All this shit with racism and police brutality is bringing up the feelings/emotions that led me to start theastrofiend. The ANGER. The powerlessness. Spurts of Rage. Intense sadness. This time I want to speak up more about this.

This police brutality and racism is not new at all. The only new thing is the fucking media talking about it more and honestly instigating shit. How the fuck are we in the middle of a fucking pandemic and black men and women are being targeted and murdered? I am not going to lie and say I am shocked about this because I am not. Racism is 24/7 hours, 365 days of the year, and over 400 years old. It’s older than America and the sperm, egg, and womb of America. 

It’s also global and fucking everywhere. So all you shady as Europeans and Canadians thanking themselves for not being in America and how enlightened you guys are can stop. On the real real you guys started it, on the other real I lived in Europe. It was short time living there but I see how you guys get down. Y’all shit stinks too! Britain how are y’all treating the Windrush generation? France how y’all treating the African immigrant population? Italy what about your black football players? There is no escape. Just ways of coping and living with it.

It’s also crazy to see how the spiritual community is which one of my last points in this very last section and long ass post that I decide to cut into 2 long ass posts.  BTW this is also not new Black people didn’t start racism so it can’t end with us.

The spiritual community thinks it exists in a vacuum. The spiritual community is very conscious and aware about a lot of things but they, WE honestly can’t escape our social conditioning. I just got back onto Twitter, literally around May 20^th. Today I was just reading Twitter threads and the amount of ignorance and racism in the spiritual Twitter community is crazy and sadly real.

Being spiritual gives us insights but it doesn’t make us special. You can be spiritual, be of light and love and be RACIST as hell. FYI I don’t go by the too simplistic definition of racism Google provides. It’s more than prejudice or superiority. Racism is a SYSTEM. An organized, well oil, ever evolving system meant to keep down my people, Black people. Maybe until the end of time or maybe until the aliens make their presence known and turn us into space dust. Who the fuck knows honestly?

The world is the way it is by DESIGN. It’s not an accident. FYI to the Truth Community/Conspiracy weirdos just because y’all think this is all orchestrated don’t mean this isn’t real. It can very well be both orchestrated/set up and at the same time very real. The media perpetrating shit maybe new to you, but it ain’t new. Police brutality existed way before YouTube, twitter, hell even the fucking television. Don’t let the “truth” keep you from doing shit.

Saging away racism, sending light and love, lighting candles and pulling cards is not going to change the system. I am not saying that it isn’t helpful, I believe it can help but there needs to be honesty.

It’s no fucking coincidence not too long ago that the USA is going through it’s Pluto Return now. USA has Pluto in Capricorn (27 degrees I think?). It started in February 2019 until January 2025. Random but I really need to do a post on the USA’s natal chart (s). The chickens are coming to roost.

The world is both economic resource driven system of Capitalist with my people being the resource and fall guy via the system of Racism. America started as a colony based off of slave labor by the European nations. This is an important factor especially in todays’ times because the same themes are coming up (economics/resources, and race). It is always this same fucking thing for 400 years. Economics, Resources and Race. Economics, Resources and Race. I am writing now, in this time because I am part of the collective unconscious, we all are.

Me, even as a first generation black American I am finally and for the past couple of years see what is going on. The same group of systems (racism + capitalism) that drove my parents to USA. A system that wants to continue to use my people for resources while at the same having the gall to tell us we are worthless and our lives mean nothing. These people are not rioting or destroying “their communities.” It’s not theirs. Nothing is ours. We don’t exist. If we do exist, then we’re every other race including the mythical POC’s punching bag and their renewable/reusable source of strength, confidence and power. It hurts.

The more we run from talking about, holding others accountable, and doing something about racism, the more America, the world, and humanity suffers. FYI telling us not to talk about, react, cope with this doesn’t make it go away, at least not for us. It’s like spiritual gas-lighting and a spiritual reckoning all in one. I promise there will be a time where you won’t be able to run and hide and you’ve wish you would’ve done the work. This is not only a warning but a promise.  It can or possibly will happen to you. You are not above this. This isn't fear mongering, this is a reality. Remember history doesn’t just repeat itself. It rhymes.

We are in Saturn Times with Capricorn and the Saturn side of Aquarius leading the way. Neptune in Pisces being a messy important little hoe and Uranus is stirring the pot. 

Remember Saturn can use it’s scythe (sickle) to steady itself, control the growth of crops, or to chop ya head off. You choose.

This is honestly hella long and I’m getting tired. Now it’s 9:41 pm and I have been writing this post (s) for hours. 

theastrofiend speaks 2020 pt 1: theastrofiend Origins Story: Anger, Adulthood, Racism, Police Brutality, Transforming this Energy into Creativity

theastrofiend speaks 2020 pt 1: theastrofiend Origins Story: Anger, Adulthood, Racism, Police Brutality, Transforming this Energy into Creativity 

I'm writing this on Saturday May 30th 2020 starting at 4:43 pm. After watching YouTube videos, strolling through my twitter feed, rereading the scheduled blog post I plan on putting out on Monday, and just everything going on in Minneapolis/ The Twin Cities and around the country. I just want to write. This blog is my creative spiritual art project. I am grateful and proud to have it.

I talked about this more in my astrology podcasts that are coming out subsequently over the next few weeks. I’m in this Gemini crackhead energy ever since the lockdown almost 3 months ago I have had this crazy level of productivity in terms of this blog and my YouTube channel. Like after not posting on my YouTube Channel for nearly a year. I have this surge of energy and posted/scheduled over 10 songs and podcast videos. Crazy right? Plus I decided to start tweeting again like 2 weeks ago, so I have been tweeting.

That aside I want to talk about the origins of theastrofiend. I started this blog in 2014. But I only wrote 1 blog post. In 2015 and 2016 I had a surge in creative energy and decided to try again. Before 2014 before deciding to starting and committing to this blog there was a lot going on . A lot of what is going on now feels familiar to some of the same feelings and emotions I was dealing with pre 2015, 2014. I don't know where to start honestly. It's a lot and I am going to be all over the place and this is HELLA LONG. This all takes place roughly from 2012-to now. This is deeply personal but I'm a writer ...

I guess 2013 (honestly maybe even 2012) is a good time to start. I was in college during this time. A broke college student. In 2012 (the summertime) a couple of months before 2013 I started a hubpages account to write about general things (natural hair, holidays, etc.). This was non astrology related. This was my passive income money making scheme during the summer time before the new school year. This is the same year (2012) that Trayvon Martin was murdered mind you. I have a sibling the same age as him. This was the same year my grandmother died. This was also the year the world was “supposed” to end 2012 the ending of the Mayan calendar.

Fast forward to the fall of 2012 school year. I hated my college experience btw. Long story short it was a cultural shock, longer story there was much more than this. 2012 and 2013 was a culmination of some of the things I hated about my college experience. 2012 I had a bad roommate experience with a Scorpio (I think moon in Virgo) roommate who was a mini KAREN in the making. She started some shit, I called her out, RAs had to get involved. This was beginning of the school year. I thought it got resolved but it wasn't.

Fast forward to January 2013 a few days before I was supposed to go back to campus from winter break. I injured myself literally doing NOTHING. Turned out on that I couldn't walk, needed crutches and to go to physical therapy. That same time I got a call from campus security about false accusations being made against me via my social media profile (that months prior I blocked her on). Honestly I was confused and bombarded by all this.

I came back with a traumatic injury that needed healing and months of physical therapy and back into a situation with a roommate looking for blood. I felt powerless and in the beginning I didn't want to fight. I ultimately decided to, because it was just unfair.  Astrologically my 4th house is in Scorpio, natally I have Pluto (in it’s home sign Scorpio) in the 4^th House, AND I was also going through a Pluto in the 4th house transit that finally ended just a few years ago (FYI my Pluto is in the 5th house now!!). Power struggles and mini wars in the “home.” #ironic. The situation couldn't be resolved so we both had to move out the dorm room. For me it was single dorm room all to myself. So I ain't complaining. I had a space to think and I was healing and getting better.

Since I was getting better and had the time to think I decided that fuck my college. I decided to take the leap I have been meaning to and finally study abroad. I applied for a scholarship. I got accepted into the program. I made this decision for myself and it was the best decision year.

Honestly if it wasn't for THAT BITCH (that's what I called her throughout the situation) and more importantly my injury I wouldn't have felt the need to NOPE the hell out of that situation and seek something transformational. THANK YOU THAT BITCH AKA KAREN. I got my black wake up call. There is some truth to haters are your motivators. Well I won't give that bitch any of the credit. It was ME, if it wasn't for me getting that wake up call of feeling trapped and miserable in my current situation and God setting up obstacles for me to transform my situation and life at that time I would've missed out on my baby, theastrofiend.

My study abroad experience was one of my best experiences ever. God laid everything out for me. I literally won the scholarship I applied for. Random but I would've been broke if it wasn't for that scholarship. The visa I applied for didn't allow me to work. Plus there was a family situation back home. Geez I'm putting my business out there. Long story extremely short but the money saved up by family for my study abroad experience had to be used because a family member got racially profiled (stopped and frisked in their own car) and arrested. The money was used to pay for a lawyer to fight this. They won that fight btw!!!

It's crazy that my college experience in my own country was a cultural shock but my study abroad in a foreign country with a different language that I didn't speak the language well wasn't. I traveled. I ate. I didn't get home sick. It wasn't perfect at ALL. I experienced racism and witnessed others experience racism/get profiled. But it healed me further.

During my college years that’s when I seriously started studying astrology. In high school I was playing with it but college I got in DEEP. This was a very transitional time (college), I was on my own, culturally shocked and astrology reignited my sense of spirituality and belief in God. Anyway during this time I also made another hubpages for astrology, called Deecoleworld somewhere in 2013. I wrote about 74 hubs (articles). I created a hubpages because I wanted to learn astrology, share my knowledge with astrology lovers, while make BREAD, that dinero.

Random but before I left to study abroad that same semester where all that mess took place I actually played around with the idea of starting an astrology YouTube channel and recorded some astrology videos during this time. I was inspired by the Peacedealer and Alyssa Sharpe/Trahan (now the Divine Venus) and the other girlies in the astrology YouTube community. I decided not to do and instead write astrology online. I still have those videos maybe later I will put them out or maybe never. IDK, I like my privacy and autonomy as a Plutonian person. Plus honestly it was fresh trauma of the college roommate instance involved social media, my own words, images, media being used against me which stopped me. Which to this day makes me very weary of social media and kinda why I don’t like promoting my shit.

Anyways during the study abroad experience I was still studying, writing experiencing astrology. I had a class where I shadowed a social media expert and he told me to create a blog. Here comes the 1 day old astrology tumblr blog called Deecoleworld. In my future astrology podcasts I joked about this blog and how I made 6 blog posts and it only lasted a day. I got the screenshots here lol.

During this time also for this same class final assignment I wanted to compare the astrology of USA with my host country’s astrology chart. Very ambitious. I submitted a proposal and my instructor was very critical and I decided against. She didn’t get it so I decided to not go forward with it, which I was disappointed about but in retrospect it was very understandable. astrology is still very fringe. Seeds were planted though.

Fast forward quite a bit it’s 2014. I’m back home after a wonderful experience. Slowly the energy, pride, optimism, and inspiration of travelling gave way to drudgery of everyday living. The seeds were planted though and I decided to do the new year, new me bullshit mantra and started theastrofiend blog.

I called it theastrofiend because I was fiending for astrology. I was BEASTING for astrology. I thought (and still) about astrology everyday all the time. I was and been visiting astrologers weekly, Lindaland, YouTube, reading The Astrology Place, Solaris Astrology and various blogs for YEARS. Plus I was experiencing weird synchronicity events sometimes paranormal experiences. I thought my Kundalini was rising. There was a part of my love for astrology I was ashamed of. I didn’t have anyone around me to share my love for astrology so I kept it to myself. I started theastrofiend partly because it was a new year but it was also because I was craving for connection and to share my love for astrology. I didn’t want to keep it to myself any longer.

That aside fast forward to 2015 / 2016. By this time I been graduated college and was being an adult. An adult in arrested development with debt that I needed to leverage to a “career”. During this time I felt powerless, anger, and disillusionment. I just gotten back to norm finally being in my home city full time after spending the majority of time for 3 years away. My home city changed, I was starting to not recognize it. While I was away it was being gentrified and I couldn’t afford to move and start my life in. The original population was being replaced by a new population who was at best just like me bright eye bushy tail and trying to start their lives but at most disrespectful and ignorant to the original population existence and humanity.

This time I got really into tiny houses, minimalism, and alternative ways of living (I still am btw). I also deactivated my Facebook for the first time because I was tired of the social media shit, not living up to social media reality and the fakeness. Plus this is kinda where the police brutality stuff came back in. 2014 Mike Brown and Eric Garner were murdered. After that in 2015 Sandra Bland. 2016 Philando Castile and Korryn Gaines. I started to really understand race relations in America in an adult way. Especially in reflecting on my previous experience of THAT BITCH (FUTURE KAREN) in college and how racial it was. That black wake up call is REAL.

It’s not a mistake or a coincidence that I started writing heavily on the astrofiend in 2015 and 2016. All these factors gentrification, poverty, debt, racism, and police brutality. Trying to craft an identity, and exist as an adult but also as a black woman and a creative spirituality interested person. In a forever timeless, timeful time where we/black people are being spiritually erased and attacked. It was divine design and intervention. My blog, theastrofiend became an escape into my love of astrology, spirituality, and writing. I was angry and powerless. That why I wrote why your sign ain’t shit series. I wanted to write and laugh and be ratchet and messy. FYI I wasn’t butthurt over no damn zodiac sign, I love astrology so I see nuance in all the zodiac signs. Plus we have all the zodiac signs energy in our charts so technically I will be dissing myself. Shout out the butt hurt brigade your comments are funny!

That aside there was some other shit and traumatic experiences in 2015 – 2016 I will not be talking about. I would say that a lot of those themes were related to my Saturn in 4^th House transit going on at that time. Things got better the end of 2016 and much so drastically better in 2017. 2017 was a very healing and affirming time. It was still hard but I am grateful for that time

The end of 2016 and all of 2017 was time I started my 2 side hustles with one of them being ASTROcard. Where I sell homemade astrology flashcards. I was also in a space of my own (technically) and in a meaningful job that was so healing, inspiring and honestly something that was I am grateful I got to be apart of.

Random but this is the nature of being Plutonian. This constant cycle of trauma and healing. This renewable energy that feels like a blessing and a curse. The experience is traumatic but we always manage to come out of it. Then when we get comfortable something else.  

This is the end of the first part of my post. Second part will be posted directly after this. I’m spilling my own tea to a bunch of random internet people (some of y’all probably messy and nosey). That ain’t none of my business though.  Screenshots from my other astrology endeavors before theastrofiend below: