theastrofiend speaks 2020 pt 1: theastrofiend Origins Story: Anger, Adulthood, Racism, Police Brutality, Transforming this Energy into Creativity
I'm writing
this on Saturday May 30th 2020 starting at 4:43 pm. After watching YouTube
videos, strolling through my twitter feed, rereading the scheduled blog post I
plan on putting out on Monday, and just everything going on in Minneapolis/ The
Twin Cities and around the country. I just want to write. This blog is my creative spiritual art project.
I am grateful and proud to have it.
I
talked about this more in my astrology podcasts that are coming out
subsequently over the next few weeks. I’m in this Gemini crackhead energy ever
since the lockdown almost 3 months ago I have had this crazy level of productivity
in terms of this blog and my YouTube channel. Like after not posting on my
YouTube Channel for nearly a year. I have this surge of energy and
posted/scheduled over 10 songs and podcast videos. Crazy right? Plus I
decided to start tweeting again like 2 weeks ago, so I have been tweeting.
That
aside I want to talk about the origins of theastrofiend. I started this blog in
2014. But I only wrote 1 blog post. In 2015 and 2016 I had a surge in creative
energy and decided to try again. Before 2014 before deciding to starting and
committing to this blog there was a lot going on . A lot of what is going on
now feels familiar to some of the same feelings and emotions I was dealing with
pre 2015, 2014. I don't know where to start honestly. It's a lot and I am going
to be all over the place and this is HELLA LONG. This all takes place roughly from
2012-to now. This is deeply personal but I'm a writer ...
I
guess 2013 (honestly maybe even 2012) is a good time to start. I was in college
during this time. A broke college student. In 2012 (the summertime) a couple of
months before 2013 I started a hubpages account to write about general things
(natural hair, holidays, etc.). This was non astrology related. This was my
passive income money making scheme during the summer time before the new school
year. This is the same year (2012) that Trayvon Martin was murdered mind you. I
have a sibling the same age as him. This was the same year my grandmother died.
This was also the year the world was “supposed” to end 2012 the ending of the
Mayan calendar.
Fast
forward to the fall of 2012 school year. I hated my college experience btw.
Long story short it was a cultural shock, longer story there was much more than
this. 2012 and 2013 was a culmination of some of the things I hated about my
college experience. 2012 I had a bad roommate experience with a Scorpio (I
think moon in Virgo) roommate who was a mini KAREN in the making. She started
some shit, I called her out, RAs had to get involved. This was beginning of the
school year. I thought it got resolved but it wasn't.
Fast
forward to January 2013 a few days before I was supposed to go back to campus
from winter break. I injured myself literally doing NOTHING. Turned out on that
I couldn't walk, needed crutches and to go to physical therapy. That same time
I got a call from campus security about false accusations being made against me
via my social media profile (that months prior I blocked her on). Honestly I
was confused and bombarded by all this.
I
came back with a traumatic injury that needed healing and months of physical
therapy and back into a situation with a roommate looking for blood. I felt
powerless and in the beginning I didn't want to fight. I ultimately decided to,
because it was just unfair. Astrologically my 4th house is in Scorpio,
natally I have Pluto (in it’s home sign Scorpio) in the 4th House, AND
I was also going through a Pluto in the 4th house transit that finally ended
just a few years ago (FYI my Pluto is in the 5th house now!!). Power struggles
and mini wars in the “home.” #ironic. The situation couldn't be resolved so we
both had to move out the dorm room. For me it was single dorm room all to
myself. So I ain't complaining. I had a space to think and I was healing and
getting better.
Since
I was getting better and had the time to think I decided that fuck my college.
I decided to take the leap I have been meaning to and finally study abroad. I
applied for a scholarship. I got accepted into the program. I made this
decision for myself and it was the best decision year.
Honestly
if it wasn't for THAT BITCH (that's what I called her throughout the situation)
and more importantly my injury I wouldn't have felt the need to NOPE the hell
out of that situation and seek something transformational. THANK YOU THAT BITCH
AKA KAREN. I got my black wake up call. There is some truth to haters are
your motivators. Well I won't give that bitch any of the credit. It was ME, if
it wasn't for me getting that wake up call of feeling trapped and miserable in
my current situation and God setting up obstacles for me to transform my
situation and life at that time I would've missed out on my baby,
theastrofiend.
My
study abroad experience was one of my best experiences ever. God laid
everything out for me. I literally won the scholarship I applied for. Random
but I would've been broke if it wasn't for that scholarship. The visa I applied
for didn't allow me to work. Plus there was a family situation back home. Geez
I'm putting my business out there. Long story extremely short but the money
saved up by family for my study abroad experience had to be used because a
family member got racially profiled (stopped and frisked in their own car) and
arrested. The money was used to pay for a lawyer to fight this. They won that
fight btw!!!
It's
crazy that my college experience in my own country was a cultural shock but my study
abroad in a foreign country with a different language that I didn't speak the
language well wasn't. I traveled. I ate. I didn't get home sick. It wasn't
perfect at ALL. I experienced racism and witnessed others experience racism/get
profiled. But it healed me further.
During
my college years that’s when I seriously started studying astrology. In high
school I was playing with it but college I got in DEEP. This was a very
transitional time (college), I was on my own, culturally shocked and astrology
reignited my sense of spirituality and belief in God. Anyway during this time I
also made another hubpages for astrology, called Deecoleworld somewhere in
2013. I wrote about 74 hubs (articles). I created a hubpages because I wanted
to learn astrology, share my knowledge with astrology lovers, while make BREAD,
that dinero.
Random but before
I left to study abroad that same semester where all that mess took place I
actually played around with the idea of starting an astrology YouTube channel and
recorded some astrology videos during this time. I was inspired by the
Peacedealer and Alyssa Sharpe/Trahan (now the Divine Venus) and the other girlies in the astrology YouTube community.
I decided not to do and instead write astrology online. I still have those
videos maybe later I will put them out or maybe never. IDK, I like my privacy
and autonomy as a Plutonian person. Plus honestly it was fresh trauma of the
college roommate instance involved social media, my own words, images, media
being used against me which stopped me. Which to this day makes me very weary
of social media and kinda why I don’t like promoting my shit.
Anyways
during the study abroad experience I was still studying, writing experiencing
astrology. I had a class where I shadowed a social media expert and he told me
to create a blog. Here comes the 1 day old astrology tumblr blog called
Deecoleworld. In my future astrology podcasts I joked about this blog and how I
made 6 blog posts and it only lasted a day. I got the screenshots here lol.
During this
time also for this same class final assignment I wanted to compare the
astrology of USA with my host country’s astrology chart. Very ambitious. I
submitted a proposal and my instructor was very critical and I decided against.
She didn’t get it so I decided to not go forward with it, which I was
disappointed about but in retrospect it was very understandable. astrology is
still very fringe. Seeds were planted though.
Fast
forward quite a bit it’s 2014. I’m back home after a wonderful experience.
Slowly the energy, pride, optimism, and inspiration of travelling gave way to
drudgery of everyday living. The seeds were planted though and I decided to do
the new year, new me bullshit mantra and started theastrofiend blog.
I called it
theastrofiend because I was fiending for astrology. I was BEASTING for
astrology. I thought (and still) about astrology everyday all the time. I was
and been visiting astrologers weekly, Lindaland, YouTube, reading The Astrology
Place, Solaris Astrology and various blogs for YEARS. Plus I was experiencing
weird synchronicity events sometimes paranormal experiences. I thought my
Kundalini was rising. There was a part of my love for astrology I was ashamed
of. I didn’t have anyone around me to share my love for astrology so I kept it
to myself. I started theastrofiend partly because it was a new year but it was
also because I was craving for connection and to share my love for astrology. I
didn’t want to keep it to myself any longer.
That aside
fast forward to 2015 / 2016. By this time I been graduated college and was being
an adult. An adult in arrested development with debt that I needed to leverage
to a “career”. During this time I felt powerless, anger, and disillusionment. I
just gotten back to norm finally being in my home city full time after spending
the majority of time for 3 years away. My home city changed, I was starting to
not recognize it. While I was away it was being gentrified and I couldn’t
afford to move and start my life in. The original population was being replaced
by a new population who was at best just like me bright eye bushy tail and
trying to start their lives but at most disrespectful and ignorant to the
original population existence and humanity.
This time I
got really into tiny houses, minimalism, and alternative ways of living (I
still am btw). I also deactivated my Facebook for the first time because I was
tired of the social media shit, not living up to social media reality and the
fakeness. Plus this is kinda where the police brutality stuff came back in.
2014 Mike Brown and Eric Garner were murdered. After that in 2015 Sandra Bland.
2016 Philando Castile and Korryn Gaines. I started to really understand race
relations in America in an adult way. Especially in reflecting on my previous
experience of THAT BITCH (FUTURE KAREN) in college and how racial it was. That
black wake up call is REAL.
It’s not a
mistake or a coincidence that I started writing heavily on the astrofiend in
2015 and 2016. All these factors gentrification, poverty, debt, racism, and police
brutality. Trying to craft an identity, and exist as an adult but also as a
black woman and a creative spirituality interested person. In a forever timeless,
timeful time where we/black people are being spiritually erased and attacked. It
was divine design and intervention. My blog, theastrofiend became an escape
into my love of astrology, spirituality, and writing. I was angry and
powerless. That why I wrote why your sign ain’t shit series. I wanted to write
and laugh and be ratchet and messy. FYI I wasn’t butthurt over no damn zodiac
sign, I love astrology so I see nuance in all the zodiac signs. Plus we have
all the zodiac signs energy in our charts so technically I will be dissing
myself. Shout out the butt hurt brigade your comments are funny!
That aside
there was some other shit and traumatic experiences in 2015 – 2016 I will not
be talking about. I would say that a lot of those themes were related to my
Saturn in 4th House transit going on at that time. Things got better the end
of 2016 and much so drastically better in 2017. 2017 was a very healing and
affirming time. It was still hard but I am grateful for that time
The end of
2016 and all of 2017 was time I started my 2 side hustles with one of them
being ASTROcard. Where I sell homemade astrology flashcards. I was also in a
space of my own (technically) and in a meaningful job that was so healing,
inspiring and honestly something that was I am grateful I got to be apart of.
Random but
this is the nature of being Plutonian. This constant cycle of trauma and
healing. This renewable energy that feels like a blessing and a curse. The
experience is traumatic but we always manage to come out of it. Then when we
get comfortable something else.
This is
the end of the first part of my post. Second part will be posted directly after this. I’m spilling my own tea
to a bunch of random internet people (some of y’all probably messy and nosey).
That ain’t none of my business though. Screenshots from my other astrology endeavors before theastrofiend below:
