Why your Sign Ain't Shit: Gemini Edition

THE TRUTH

Gemini, gemini, gemini, gemini. I think there should be a new mental disorder, called Gemini. this disorder is a mixture of bipolar disorder, depression, schizophrenia, dissociative personality disorder, borderline personality, AHDH, hypochondriac etc.. Well no etc. just look through the DSM V, retitle it and label it “Gemini” and you will perfectly describe Gemini.

By the way I wrote Gemini four times because I am talking to all of Gemini’s split personalities and their split personalities’ personalities. I won't even get to their split personalities’ personalities' personalities.

Gemini is that sign that is everywhere. Look through various online sites and boards and you will find at least one username that has “Gemini” in it. Whether it be Sexygemini1, da/gemini-bitch, geminiluv1. Gemini is one the few signs that is everywhere, talks the most, annoys people the most, and still manages to be incognito. There game puts Scorpio to shame. #no shade.

The funniest thing about it is that Gemini DOES NOT AT ALL try to be incognito. They actually do the opposite. They talk too much, gossip, reveal everything about themselves. Whether it be about their various sex tapes and ratchet sex-escapades that they are self-promoting, various stays in mental institutions and DUIs’ arrests that they are bragging about. all the drugs, alien abductions, and zany, crazy shit that they been through. Gemini's literally have a NONE, LITERALLY ZERO SECRETS. But at the same time, you happen to not know nothing about them. AT ALL

It’s like their words enter into this black hole. Whatever words they spew is sucked into this large cosmic vacuum cleaner that cleans up whatever the fuck they threw up on us. As quickly as words enters the atmosphere, the quicker it disappears. This is called the “Gemini Black Hole Effect”.

This is part of what makes them so mental. They are frustrated because they know that whatever they say or do no matter how crazy, disturbing and bizarre it will be forgotten and lost.

You have to remember Gemini is ruled by mercury (messenger of the gods, god of communication). They live to communicate, communication is there water and air. Even so, due to the “Gemini Black hole Effect”, they realize that whatever they say or do, it just gets sucked in. This drives them mad. So they try different ways to communicate; which includes resorting to trickery. Claiming to have twin selves (which is true but no one ever believes them). People assume Gemini’s are crazy. Maybe they are, maybe they aren't but you will never know.  The more people don't believe in their words, the more they talk and communicate, which overall makes them even more misunderstood and mysterious. It is like talking without sound.

Even on the rare occasion that people do listen and their words don’t get trapped in the black hole, it is still hard to understand what the fuck a Gemini is saying. It is the fact that Gemini’s words and speech patterns sounds like a warbled mix of that guy in smart guy with the robotic voice in the wheelchair, Stephen Hawking, Busta Rhymes and Cheryl Cole. It just throws people the fuck off. 

Combine the robotic voice of Stephen Hawking, the speed of Busta Rhymes words, and the cute, but hard to follow Geordie accent of Cheryl Cole, and you've got Gemini

PS if you haven’t realize this, Gemini this is why your sign ain’t shit.

Taurus Celebrity That Ain’t Shit Archetype: Lena Dunham

Squat down and be the shit that you are!

To go along with the Taurus ain’t shit post I did, here is an example of a Taurus Celebrity Archetype that ain’t shit. I personally don’t care for Lena Dunham (I don’t even have time or any fucks to hate her), but a lot of people hate her (probably cuss she’s weird, plus people love body shaming her). 

I can understand why, I mean she has a dogmatic Taurus sun and a perpetually butt-hurt Cancer moon. BTW I don’t watch Girls (though I have occasionally googled sex scenes from that show, aka curiosity is a disappointing bitch), plus I read an article about when she was child she discovered pebbles in her little sister’s VAGINA.  

This is just wrong smh

Anyway I think it is funny and quite ironic that a Taurus like Dunham has  an eating ass scene in her show and I mentioned in my Taurus ain’t Shit post about ass eating.

  

I am sure Lena has eaten a lot of ass.

BONUS "Enjoy" a random picture of Taurus (not Aries), Hitler.

Why your Sign Ain't Shit: Taurus Edition

Taurus after a food, sex, and/or shopping binge.

If Taurus was one of the 7 deadly sins, it will probably be sloth. Oops I meant gluttony. No I mean greed. Fuck I am sure its lust. Holy shit it could be all 7. Taurus (similar to Scorpio) is an undercover fucked up sign that masks itself by such bullshit traits like pleasure seekers, beauty lovers, steady, persistent, and blahhhhhhhhhhhh. I’m here to tell you that’s bullshit. 

Ain't Shit Nekkid: Taurus Fuckboy Alert

They are dogmatic lazy fat fucks that only roll off the couch for money, sex, and food. They are the ones that probably want their booty eaten like groceries. Not to mention Tauruses will eat your ass among many other things.

Analingus Sexy: Taurus, how does your E coli taste?

Their mission in life is to amass as much money, material possessions, sex partners and food while pretending to do shit. When we all know they ain’t doing shit. Their stubbornness and the fact that they are “practical,” that hurts more then it helps them. 

Silence!....Bitch, I was speaking?

Prime example is Hitler, who’s a fucking Taurus (and not an Aries, for all you pseudo astrology ass-hatted experts who really don’t know shit about anything). 

Taurus are stubborn (really mentally backwards), materialistic, sex addicts tyrants who’s the only sign out of the 11 other signs that annoys the shit out of me without actually doing anything. 

U MAD?

PS if you haven’t realize this, Taurus this is why your sign ain’t shit.

Why Your Sign Ain't Shit: Series

Why Your Sign Ain't Shit: Series

An Undiplomatic perspective on why your sun sign ain't shit?

I am creating a series. For each month, I am going to write about how your zodiac sign, ain’t shit. Pretty much the definition in my book of ain’t shit, is something that is basic, sucks, and soo full of shit, that it isn’t actually shit at all. The logic of that last statement is funky, but think of it kinda like a double negative. Two negatives cancels each other out. Anyway, I am going to be, beginning with Taurus.

I’m Back I Says To Apparently No One Welp!

What you said bitch?

Hey I am back. I first started this blog back in January 2014 and look how great that went. As you can see I didn't post shit. To be honest I was either busy, miserable or lazy as fuck. Mostly lazy as fuck.

Anyway, I am trying this again. This time with a new perspective and style, that includes writing in a bolder, blunt, and fun way (kinda like my sexy ass brain). I want you to read all about my ongoing obsession with astrology. Basically I am a fiend, like Tyrone Biggums waiting for my next hit. Except unlike Tyrone, sadly it isn't crack, but instead ideas about astrology, people, popular culture, music, and all that shit that's stuck in my head. 

BTW I am gonna say things that's gonna offend people but look at that, there goes all the fucks I give, dammit! 

Anyway, if you're an astrofiend like me I hope you enjoy this blog. If you aren't a fan or believer in astrology, I respect you. Sike! go eat a butt.

I says to my imaginary and currently non-existent blog readers.