The Astrology of Other Popular Commercial Characters

If you are curious on my opinion on other popular commercial characters astrology makeup. Other than why I hate Jan. This is based on the character they play, not the actor themselves.

Flo from Progressive Insurance

Yup she is on drugs!

Sun in Aquarius, moon in Sagittarius (or vice versa)

Why? She represents the fun, quirky, slightly bizarre side of Aquarius unlike Jan (the fucking evil robot). Plus she seems happy all the time which A. can be because she is on drugs or B. because Sags (whatever the placement is always on drugs).


The black guy that played the president on 24 that’s in the Allstate commercial

He crashes into your panty drawer when you call that number ;)

Sun in Pisces, moon in Capricorn

Why? He is boring and straight to the point typical Capricorn trait (even though I like him and his panty dropping voice). BTW the Mayhem Douchehat guy is an Aries. Anyway Mr. Tall Dark and AllState always seem to just appear out of nowhere and seems oh so sensitive (Pisces trait). BTW he's a secret panty dropper on the low, low

Wendy from Wendy’s

Bitch, I am better than you! My salad is fresher than you

Sun in Leo, moon in Gemini

Why? I actually like her, Leo’s are fun and likable (when they are not being egotistic attention hogging cunts J ) BTW the actress that plays Wendy (Morgan Smith Goodwin) is a Leo.

Trivago Guy from Trivago

Don't let him walk behind you, #SoreAss

Something in Scorpio, something in Capricorn and something in Gemini

Why? He is fucking creepy (Scorpio trait). I don’t get why people find him hot. He literally looks like his sperm cells are dying. Don’t know why but he manages to look both young (Gemini trait) and old (Capricorn trait) at the same time (mostly old though). Scorpio is ruled by Pluto and Pluto is the one of the big bad dogs in astrology (along with Capricorn/Saturn). Pluto rules over scary shit, and nothing is more scary than that Trivago guy’s five o clock shadow and derpy button-down shirt.

The Black Guy from the Old Spice Commercial

Literally drying up looking at this picture

Something in Scorpio, something in Leo, something in Aquarius

Why? He is not sexy, but he is hilarious (Leo/Aquarius). He makes trying to be and look sexy, not sexy at all but very funny instead (something a sarcastic Scorpio placement can do). You would think because he has a nice body, an ok face, he would be sexy, but no. It’s probably his weird ass name and his dumb ass facial hair.

Lastly The Most Interesting Man in the World for Dos Equis beer

You just know these Thots are thirsty for his old ass

Something in Libra and Capricorn

Why? Even though he is an old fart, there is something charming, cool (Libra) and refined/manly (Capricorn) with this character. Plus I have no doubt that the actual actor in the commercial did all the stuff in real life that he did in the commercials. Plus he’s probably the only one, other than Based God where other men offer their women up to him.

Cancer Celebrity Archetype That Ain’t Shit: Renee Graziano

There are a lot of Cancer (and Cancer influenced) celebrities and famous people that are not shit. By the way I don't hate them personally (I don't even know them) or think that they are talent-less. Just feel they are sooo full of shit that they are not the shit at all. Moving away from this, as I just said there are a lot of Cancer (and Cancer influenced) celebrities and famous people that are not shit. Just at the top of my head, I can list Lindsey Lohan and Courtney Love. Cancer as a zodiac sign can just be a straight up mess. 

Anyway I am going to steer clear of these celebrities (too predictable) and focus on one person. This person will not be considered a "celebrity" in the traditional sense, but the shoe fits. This person is Renee Graziano from the Vh1 reality TV series Mob Wives. She is a Cancer born on July 11th, and she is bat-shit cray cray. I haven't been keeping up with Mob Wives since they added those girls from Chicago, but from what I gather, she is the perfect Cancer Archetype. 

Go on YouTube and watch clips of her constant meltdowns. By the way she isn't my favorite reality show star or even my favorite among the Mob Wives (personally, Aquarius Drita, and Gemini Big Ang are my favorites).

Even so, I had to make this post because she is ULTRA Cancer to the point where I can practically see her pincers. Emotional, clingy, etc. By the way check out these uber Cancer GIFS and pictures from her:

Evidence 1: Cancer loves Food

Evidence 2: She is emotional

Evidence 3: She's protective

By the way, I suspect she has something in Leo (perhaps a Leo Mars or Mercury?), that makes her a bit "EXTRA"

Random clip of Renee being choked out by Drita (I had to)

Gemini Celebrity That Ain’t Shit Archetype: Igloo Australia aka Iggy Azalea

Yes I did just call her Igloo Australia. Yes I know her "name is Iggy Azalea" (to all you pseudo Iggy Stans). I just think Igloo is a funnier name. Anyway I don't actually hate Iggy at all. Her "Fancy" song was cute and catchy (along with Pu$$y and Work. I am not bandwagon hater. That said..........

I do feel she sucks at rapping and does not represent hip-hop at all. Go watch this video of her rapping and try to clap back. .............. I am waiting........... 

Also after seeing several interviews with her, she has no personality what so ever. She seems like a nice girl (maybe too nice). But hip hop is not nice. It's angry, aggressive, in your face, and it has a message. 

I am sure she may have a message but who cares. Her novelty has wore off and she's back to being a grain of sand in a huge beach. The only reason I think she got all the hype and attention is because she is a white girl rapper from Australia (btw a moon in Sagittarius and Jupiter exalted in Cancer does help!). She was anomaly in the rap game and easy on the eyes. Now she is just a tall amazon who is boring and has no personality.

Two Words: "No Edges"

BTW I would've written this post about the other Gemini Azealia, Azealia Banks (who is bat-shit crazy), but she can rap, and has some form of individuality/talent/creativity. The same goes for Oh No West (my nickname for Kanye West).

Iggy should really stick to being a model.

Why your Sign Ain't Shit: Cancer Edition

Cancer is the epitome of butthurtness. So much so, that it puts Scorpio to shame. Here is the definition of butt-hurt in the dictionary:

 

Butt-hurt: noun:  An archetype of the zodiac sign, Cancer and all water signs

Synomns: Scorpio, Pisces, water signs, moon, Drake

Look, Mom, I am stuntin' with my boys!

Not only that, but there is a picture of Drake next to this definition. Side note: Though he is a Super Scorpio (with sun, mercury, venus, and pluto in Scorpio) he has moon in Cancer, which pretty much means he’s inherit the Butt-hurt gene (to the maximum degree). Generally water signs all possess the butt-hurt gene.

Anyway aside from the butt-hurtness, Cancers are moody forever pms-ing (men included) needy sissy-pants. Cancers are always crying, always moody, always venting, like shut the fuck up.

There are only two things a Cancer is good for. One is body warmth (generally this is because they are lazy home-bodied fat fucks, plus Cancer women have big titties).

The second thing is food (they are bomb ass cookers). Cancers are good cooks because they have unhealthy obsession with their family, particularly their mother, to the point where it borders incest. 

I bet if a Cancer’s mom was cremated, 
that Cancer will have sex with her ashes.

The Irony of this photo is that rapper 50 cent is a Cancer.

Cancer will do anything for their family and close ones, including killing for them (or killing them). Though Cancers are sissies, the oxymoron is they are also secretly violent and thuggish. I read somewhere that Cancer makes up the most arrests for violent crimes (crime of passion).

The moon (aka luna) rules over the sign Cancer. Luna aka Lunatic, these people are the real nuts of the zodiac and are bat-shit crazy. Don’t mess with them because as a cardinal water sign they are liable to do something.

 If you haven’t yet realized this Cancers, these are the reasons why your sign ain’t shit.