The Astrology of Other Popular Commercial Characters

If you are curious on my opinion on other popular commercial characters astrology makeup. Other than why I hate Jan. This is based on the character they play, not the actor themselves.

Flo from Progressive Insurance

Yup she is on drugs!

Sun in Aquarius, moon in Sagittarius (or vice versa)

Why? She represents the fun, quirky, slightly bizarre side of Aquarius unlike Jan (the fucking evil robot). Plus she seems happy all the time which A. can be because she is on drugs or B. because Sags (whatever the placement is always on drugs).


The black guy that played the president on 24 that’s in the Allstate commercial

He crashes into your panty drawer when you call that number ;)

Sun in Pisces, moon in Capricorn

Why? He is boring and straight to the point typical Capricorn trait (even though I like him and his panty dropping voice). BTW the Mayhem Douchehat guy is an Aries. Anyway Mr. Tall Dark and AllState always seem to just appear out of nowhere and seems oh so sensitive (Pisces trait). BTW he's a secret panty dropper on the low, low

Wendy from Wendy’s

Bitch, I am better than you! My salad is fresher than you

Sun in Leo, moon in Gemini

Why? I actually like her, Leo’s are fun and likable (when they are not being egotistic attention hogging cunts J ) BTW the actress that plays Wendy (Morgan Smith Goodwin) is a Leo.

Trivago Guy from Trivago

Don't let him walk behind you, #SoreAss

Something in Scorpio, something in Capricorn and something in Gemini

Why? He is fucking creepy (Scorpio trait). I don’t get why people find him hot. He literally looks like his sperm cells are dying. Don’t know why but he manages to look both young (Gemini trait) and old (Capricorn trait) at the same time (mostly old though). Scorpio is ruled by Pluto and Pluto is the one of the big bad dogs in astrology (along with Capricorn/Saturn). Pluto rules over scary shit, and nothing is more scary than that Trivago guy’s five o clock shadow and derpy button-down shirt.

The Black Guy from the Old Spice Commercial

Literally drying up looking at this picture

Something in Scorpio, something in Leo, something in Aquarius

Why? He is not sexy, but he is hilarious (Leo/Aquarius). He makes trying to be and look sexy, not sexy at all but very funny instead (something a sarcastic Scorpio placement can do). You would think because he has a nice body, an ok face, he would be sexy, but no. It’s probably his weird ass name and his dumb ass facial hair.

Lastly The Most Interesting Man in the World for Dos Equis beer

You just know these Thots are thirsty for his old ass

Something in Libra and Capricorn

Why? Even though he is an old fart, there is something charming, cool (Libra) and refined/manly (Capricorn) with this character. Plus I have no doubt that the actual actor in the commercial did all the stuff in real life that he did in the commercials. Plus he’s probably the only one, other than Based God where other men offer their women up to him.